wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
