dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
