dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize