I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize