Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
