My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
