Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
