I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
