please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
