mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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