i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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