im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
