an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
