About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
