im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
