I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
