If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
