did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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