stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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