hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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