I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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