did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
