my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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