So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
