wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
