Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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