I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
