i just wanna soil my oats bro
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
