just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
