Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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