Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's the barista slut.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
