I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
