what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
