I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
