Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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