I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
