it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
