He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
