i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
