You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
