My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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