I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
