I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
