I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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