I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
