it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
