I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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