I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
