If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
