Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
