just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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