At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
