I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
