You really coming over, don't trick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
