Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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