you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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