Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize