i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
