I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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