i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
