Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
