saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
