yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This house was built for laser tag.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize