I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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