She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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