we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
